Cookie Policy
How we track your every digital move (for your own good)
What Are Cookies? (The Digital Kind)
Cookies are small text files that we and our "trusted partners" (read: data harvesting overlords) place on your device to track your browsing behavior, personal preferences, and existential choices.
💡 Corporate Translation: We're watching you. For compliance reasons, we have to tell you we're watching you. But we're still watching you.
Types of Digital Surveillance We Use
Essential Cookies
MANDATORYRequired for basic site functionality. You can't opt out of these (sorry not sorry).
Examples: Login sessions, shopping cart, dysfunction score tracking
Performance Cookies
PROBABLY ENABLEDTrack how you interact with our site so we can optimize the user experience (and maximize data collection).
Examples: Page views, click patterns, time spent questioning life choices
Marketing Cookies
AGGRESSIVELY PERSISTENTFollow you around the internet to serve targeted ads. The digital equivalent of a clingy ex.
Examples: Social media tracking, ad retargeting, behavioral profiling
Third-Party Data Vampires
We share your data with our "trusted partners" (a.k.a. anyone willing to pay for it):
Managing Your Digital Footprint
You have the "right" to control cookies (though we'll make it as difficult as possible):
Browser Settings
You can configure your browser to block cookies, but our site will probably break and we'll guilt trip you about it.
Cookie Preferences Center
Coming Soonâ„¢ - A complex interface with 47 different toggles that resets itself every time you visit.
Questions About Our Cookie Policy?
Contact our Privacy Officer (currently a ChatGPT instance running on a Raspberry Pi).
Email: privacy@joblins.com | Response Time: 3-5 business decades