Terms of Suffering
By using Joblins, you agree to the following terms and conditions. Reading this document may cause depression, but so will your new job.
Important Legal Notice
This agreement was written by lawyers who hate their jobs almost as much as you will hate yours. They were paid in cryptocurrency that may or may not exist. Please consult your therapist before proceeding.
1. Acceptance of Suffering
By using Joblins, you acknowledge that work is inherently soul-crushing and agree to embrace your professional dysfunction. You waive any right to workplace happiness, job satisfaction, or meaningful employment. We are not responsible for any existential crises that may result from using our platform.
2. Dysfunction Analysis
You grant us unlimited rights to analyze, quantify, and monetize your professional disappointment. We may use your Twitter data, LinkedIn posts, and general aura of despair to create NFTs that we will sell without giving you any proceeds. Your misery is our intellectual property.
3. Employment "Opportunities"
Any job placements through Joblins are guaranteed to be worse than your current situation. We specialize in roles with impossible deadlines, micromanaging bosses, and office spaces designed by people who hate human happiness. Your new employer will have read this agreement and specifically requested someone dead inside.
4. NFT Employee Badges
Your Employee NFT represents your binding contract to remain professionally miserable. Selling your NFT will result in immediate termination from the concept of employment forever. The NFT may depreciate in value, just like your career prospects.
5. Data Collection
We collect everything: your browsing habits, sleep patterns, coffee consumption, number of times you've considered changing careers, and the exact moment your soul died. This data helps us optimize our algorithm for maximum workplace dysfunction.
6. Limitation of Liability
Joblins is not liable for: mental breakdowns, career suicide, the heat death of the universe, or your decision to join corporate America. We are especially not responsible if you actually enjoy your job - that would be a bug, not a feature.
Additional Terms (Click to Reveal)
Last Updated
January 1, 2024
(Or whenever we felt like it)
Governing Law
Laws of Physics
(Everything else is optional)
Dispute Resolution
Trial by Combat
(Virtual reality accepted)
By continuing to use this website, you acknowledge that you have read these terms, understood approximately 12% of them, and agree anyway because you need a job.