Privacy Policy
We respect your privacy about as much as your employer respects your work-life balance. Here's exactly how we monetize your professional misery.
Privacy Statement
At Joblins, we believe privacy is like job security - a nice idea that doesn't really exist anymore. This policy explains how we collect, use, and profit from your personal information in the most transparent way possible (within legal limits).
Last updated: When our legal team sobered up enough to review it.
Data We Collect (All of It)
Personal Information
The boring stuff we legally have to ask for
Behavioral Data
How you interact with our digital hellscape
Psychological Profile
The juicy stuff that makes us money
Social Media Analysis
Your digital footprint of professional failure
Biometric Indicators
Your body betrays your corporate trauma
Who We Share Your Misery With
Corporate Overlords Inc.
Purpose: To optimize your workplace suffering
Data Shared: Everything, obviously
Micromanagement Solutions LLC
Purpose: To help managers track your bathroom breaks
Data Shared: Productivity metrics and soul remnants
Open Office Design Co.
Purpose: To create more distracting work environments
Data Shared: Attention span and noise tolerance data
Buzzword Analytics Corp.
Purpose: To generate more meaningless business jargon
Data Shared: Communication patterns and buzzword usage
Your "Rights" (Terms Apply)
What You Can Do:
- ✓Request your data (we'll send a 847-page PDF)
- ✓Ask us to delete it (good luck with that)
- ✓Opt out of marketing (we'll find other ways)
- ✓Complain to regulators (they're overwhelmed)
What You Can't Do:
- ✗Actually control how we use your data
- ✗Stop us from profiling your dysfunction
- ✗Prevent targeted workplace misery ads
- ✗Escape the corporate surveillance machine
Data Controller
Joblins Labs Inc.
123 Dysfunction Drive
Corporate Hell, CH 90210
Data Storage
Cloud servers globally
(wherever regulation is weakest)
Retention: Forever + 1 day
Privacy Officer
privacy@joblins.com
(Response time: 6-8 months)
Currently experiencing burnout
By using Joblins, you agree that privacy is a social construct and data is the new oil. We promise to be slightly more transparent than Facebook, which isn't saying much.