EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK

Community Guidelines

Rules for maintaining professional dysfunction in our digital workplace

Welcome to Our Dysfunctional Family

Joblins is a satirical community celebrating the absurdity of modern corporate culture. We're here to laugh at the dysfunction, not create more of it. These guidelines ensure our toxic workplace simulation remains ironically non-toxic.

🎭 Remember: We're role-playing corporate dysfunction, not actually being dysfunctional. The goal is therapeutic humor, not actual trauma.

Core Community Rules

Professional Dysfunction Only

MANDATORY

Keep your traumatic workplace experiences professional. Personal trauma should be discussed in designated therapy channels.

Examples:

✅ 'My boss makes me use Comic Sans for presentations'

❌ 'My neighbor's dog keeps me up at night'

Penalty: Demotion to intern status

No Actual HR Complaints

CRITICAL

This is a satirical platform. Real workplace harassment should be reported to actual authorities, not memed about.

Examples:

✅ 'The printer is sentient and judging me'

❌ Actual legal violations

Penalty: Immediate platform ban + strongly worded letter

Embrace the Chaos (Constructively)

ENFORCED

We celebrate dysfunction, but keep it friendly. No actual toxicity hiding behind 'it's just corporate humor.'

Examples:

✅ Self-deprecating career jokes

❌ Attacking other users personally

Penalty: Mandatory team-building session

No Financial or Career Advice

LEGAL REQUIREMENT

We're a dysfunction simulation, not career counselors. Don't take anything here seriously (please).

Examples:

✅ 'My NFT makes me feel important'

❌ 'Invest your life savings in X token'

Penalty: Lawsuit liability (we'll blame you)

Meme Responsibly

VIBES CHECK

Corporate memes should be relatable, not offensive. Think 'broke millennial' not 'bigoted boomer.'

Examples:

✅ Avocado toast poverty jokes

❌ Discrimination disguised as humor

Penalty: Forced LinkedIn optimization course

Our "Advanced" Moderation System

Violations are handled through our multi-layered enforcement system (efficiency not guaranteed):

Community Self-Policing

Users call out violations through passive-aggressive corporate speak

Strongly worded Slack messages23% effective

AI Moderation Bot

Algorithmic detection of inappropriate content (currently just flags everything)

Machine learning trained on HR complaints47% effective

Human Moderator Review

Actual humans make judgment calls (when they're not in meetings)

Coffee-fueled decision making71% effective

Executive Override

Management makes arbitrary decisions based on mood and stock prices

Dartboard + corporate buzzwords12% effective

Violation Consequences Chart

Offense	Consequence	Severity
Posting actual job advice	24-hour reflection period	Minor
Using non-corporate speak	Mandatory synergy workshop	Moderate
Being genuinely helpful	Performance improvement plan	Serious
Successful career progression	Account suspension (success not allowed)	Critical
Reporting actual functionality	Immediate termination + confusion	Legendary

Reporting & Appeals Process

If you encounter violations or feel you've been unfairly penalized, here's our thoroughly bureaucratic process for addressing concerns:

Report a Violation

Use our sophisticated reporting system (a Google Form that probably doesn't work).

Appeal a Decision

Contest your penalty through our impartial appeals board (one intern with a Magic 8-Ball).

Questions About Community Guidelines?

These guidelines are living documents (mostly because we keep forgetting what we wrote). They'll be updated whenever legal gets nervous or we realize we forgot something obvious.

Contact: community@joblins.com | Response Time: Eventually™